Transfer date, and a lesson in parenthood.

We have a new transfer date; March 26th!! Im already getting excited for it. But as for anything else, not much is going on. Just waiting to find out in the next couple of weeks when I’ll start my medications up again.
So on a slightly different note, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that young kids my daughters’ age, 4/5, must secretly be talking to each other about how to successfully stall at bedtime. I used to think I was alone in these well thought out tactics, until recently when a few of my fellow mom friends began explaining their kids’ bedtime troubles. I’ve realized these kids of ours have actually mastered the art of stalling unlike any excuse I ever remember getting away with. Allow me to explain.
Number 1: Bath/Jammie time struggles. I bathe my kids at night. Boy do they make this part of the evening drag when they refuse to take their clothes off for bath, even though you have spent most of the day convincing them not to get naked in public or just because they don’t want to wear clothes. Then once in the bath, they suddenly do not want to get out and the fight to let them stay in just a few minutes to play ensues. After all, you wrestled them like an alligator to get in the bath in the first place so what’s a few minutes now?
Number 2: A sudden extreme interest in food. After trying all throughout the dinner hour to get our kid to eat with no success, we eventually give up with a “no snack or anything until tomorrow” answer only for our child to decide after bath that they are starving and need SOMETHING to eat or they won’t survive the night, consequently pushing back bedtime a few minutes while we decide if they truly will parish without food all night.
Number 3: The missing blankie.  My kids have established a need for as many security blankets, stuffed animals, and “friends” as possible. I’ve learned that this too must be a part of the grand plan to stall. Once you finally get them to their bed, suddenly they realize which friend or blankie is still missing. I don’t know how they do it with ten items surrounding them already, but heaven forbid we go to sleep without that stuffed duck we haven’t been interested in since we were 6 months old! So more precious minutes tick off the clock as we, the parent, search with serious effort to find this friend knowing full well that our child will refuse entirely to even attempt to sleep if that stuffed friend is not found.
Number 4: Chatter bug time. If you are lucky enough to have found the missing stuffed friend, or security blanket, and managed to get them into bed by now, this is usually the time they suddenly want to strike up a conversation with you. What happened on that TV commercial they saw, what’s going on tomorrow, what day is tomorrow? What time is it? Why is the sky blue, and the list goes on and on, basically making it impossible for us to leave the room.
Lesson 5: The creak of an opening door. I dread this noise. Once I manage to escape the bedroom after being interrogated about everything my child can conjure up, and saying a few more last minute I Love Yous, it means now starts the “after bed rituals” my kid has developed quite well. It becomes a no holding back situation. She asks to blow her nose because even though she hates blowing her nose, she now can’t sleep if it’s not blown. And her lips are suddenly chapped and she is in desperate need of relief. Oh and her supply cup is out of water and she is dying of thirst.  Then she can’t cover herself up on her own and needs help covering up because she is so cold.
I have begun to realize just how much time all of this takes up at night and I’m not sure whether to get frustrated from being so tired after these shenanigans, or laugh at my daughters amazing ability to extend her bedtime way beyond the time I’ve set for her!
It’s crazy though how easy it is for us as parents to get angry and frustrated at these situations that our kids will indeed grow out of, when there are those who are desperate and all too willing to have these very issues with a child of their own. If only they could have a child.
I hope to be able to help K and N be successful in March so that one day they too can experience the amazing intelligence of their own kid(s).

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Beta: one little weird, so much anxiety.

Our beta came back negative. I had a feeling. We were slightly prepared, as I took a test on sat the 27th and there was no second line. It still doesn’t make the news any easier to swallow. The doctor told me to stop all meds and I need to have two cycles before we can begin meds again, so we are looking at a March transfer now. That seems like an eternity away. At least N and K are wanting to try again. Not the way I was hoping to start the new year that’s for sure. 
N and I are going to be in touch with my nurse to talk about how and when to start our next cycle and maybe seeing if there is something different we can do for this next attempt. Even though everyone says it’s all about how good the embryo is, I still feel like there could have been something MORE maybe I could have done to make things successful.
The good news is, aunt flo is here today so my body is doing what it should.
I am hopeful that 2015 will bring them their family, although it will be close to the end of the year if it works in March!
Short update, I know, but there’s just not much to talk about other than dwelling on what didn’t happen. So with that, happy new year, may this year make my couple parents!

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Merry Christmas :)

It’s  beautiful and 60 degrees outside. Finally a bit chilly!! It’s been an easy going day so far. My kiddos have had a great morning and we have just been relaxing. Dinner is at my parents tonight.
I am currently 7 days past the transfer at this point. K and N did not want me to take any home tests for fear of a negative outcome for today. I can’t help but feel this impending sense of FAIL though. I felt it with the chemical pregnancy I had last year. It’s that same feeling. So I can’t help but feel sad even though it’s Christmas.  Hubby said I don’t know for sure, but I just know how my body is and it’s not telling me I’m pregnant. I am expecting bad news on Monday which is when my blood work is. I almost wish my beta was tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to wait through the weekend as well. Of course there could be a miracle and I get a decent beta, but I’m just not counting on it. I just really hope that K and N want to move forward if things are a bust this cycle.
That’s the hard part of surrogacy I think. Going through the meds, the check ups, the transfer, having ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING go  smoothly, only for it to not work. Then what do you say to your intended parents? Sorry just doesn’t cut it. How do you explain to them that you feel devastated too without making them feel like they need to give you words of encouragement? Because that isn’t something they should have to worry about on top of feeling their own sense of defeat.
You were the one thing they hadn’t tried yet in hopes of starting a family. And now even your uterus didn’t work. How do you reassure them that this CAN work?  And reassure yourself? I’m just a whirlwind of emotions right now.
On the other hand, there’s these two little angels back in new York experiencing their very first Christmas because we tried again after a failed attempt.
I wasn’t too be able to just enjoy the holiday with my family, unfortunately part of doing a transfer so close to Christmas meant either a really happy or a not so happy Christmas holiday this year.
Not the best Christmas day post that’s for sure, but surrogacy isn’t always happy times with positive pregnancy news, cute ultrasound pictures and happy endings.
For one family though, Christmas is just a little extra special this year!

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The twins! Just shy of 7 months old.
If that doesn’t bring a smile to your face, there is something wrong with you!!
🎄🎄

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It was a cold and dreary day…

My kind of weather!!! Today is the big day! I flew into new Jersey yesterday!  I had such a great flight. It was non stop, I was in economy plus which gives you extra leg room, your own TV if you want to buy movies, and a charger for electronics! Not only that, but I sat in the window seat, and there was a little old lady in the aisle seat, and no one sat in the middle!!! So we shared the seat as extra space!!
I spent the whole afternoon and evening with N and K and had the most delicious dinner ever!  Crab stuffed flounder. Yum!! I should have taken a picture of my dinner it was so good.
Today I spent the morning grinning as much water as I possibly could fur the transfer. K and N for to watch their precious embryos get transferred and hopefully they stay put until September!! The transfer was easy aside from me feeling like at any moment as if I was going to pee on the Dr.

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So now I am testing for the remainder of the day in bed and then we will head to dinner. I head home tomorrow afternoon so we will have breakfast and lunch together before I journey home. It’s been so nice here. Last year I got the chance to see the start of the leaves changing in new York. This time, I get to feel the chilly wind and cold weather that is new Jersey in December. The restaurant we ate at last night was on the Hudson river literally across from New York, so I got to see the freedom tower at ground zero and the empire state building all lit up. It was just so pretty.  Just like the movies.
Everyone has wished us baby dust and good vibes for today, including M and D. Now the waiting game begins. Or first beta is on the 29th but I think they want me to take a home pg test just after Christmas. They don’t want to be sad of Christmas day if the test is negative so we won’t test until after. All fingers are crossed and prayers have been said for this! Now I have to be patient and sit back, knowing God knows what He if doing no matter what.

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Bye bye belly shots!!!

Today was my last set of labs and ultrasound to check the ol lining. I am primed and ready!! I stop my stomach shots now, and begin progesterone in the morning, yeah baby!! Nothing says  excitement quite like a suppository twice a day!
My transfer time on Thursday will be 11:30 and I’m so excited!!
Update from the east coast to come!!

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One week and counting….

A week from tomorrow I shall be east coast bound!! Fingers crossed!! My meds are going super smoothly, I have had weekly blood draws to change up my booty shoot dosage which is party of this clinics normal protocol, and my last set of labs and final lining check are this Friday morning. As long as my looking is where it needs to be, we are officially a GO for next Thursdays transfer!!
I have felt fine on my meds, with no side effects whatsoever. I am one of the lucky ones! I have however, come down with a nasty virus. Again. I’m notorious for catching anything and everything especially if I’ve got an important event coming up, so it doesn’t surprise me that I’m a hacking coughing nose blowing fool at the moment. I’m trying  desperately to get into an urgent care to get something to help me recover before next week.
I am so anxious to get over this and do our transfer. My IPs are insanely excited like I am. It feels so amazing to talk to them on the phone. And it brings back the incredible memories I made with D and M from my last journey, which has made me so thankful to now be a part of both these families lives.
Speaking of D and M, those precious twins of theirs couldn’t be any cuter! I am planning on flying out to visit them in the new year and CAN’T WAIT.  It will be such a blessing to see the babies, but so incredible to be able to spend time with D and M. They are a part of our family now and I can’t wait to be with them again. It will be a dream if I’m pregnant when I go visit them!!
We should be transferring two day five embryos so I’m hoping I get a positive home yet on xmas eve or Xmas day. IF is super nervous about home testing on Xmas, he doesn’t want it to be bad news and I don’t blame him. So we are just going to play it by ear for now!
My next post will hopefully bring happy news that my Dr appt went well on Friday!!

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Welcome, shots!

Finally, contracts are completely finished! I received my medication timeline on when to start the pharmacy of meds as well. And some might say I am a bit nutty for saying this, but I am sooooo excited to start my medications. They came today in the mail:
Poof!!

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I start pills and tummy shots on Thursday and I can’t wait!! Obviously I’ve done this before, so I know how to give myself all the shots with no issues, so I have no fear of the unknown. Just excitement!!
Now IM and I need to figure out flight schedules soon!  I can’t wait to finally see them in person and see some real winter weather as well! The east coast is the perfect spot for winter! 
Next Wednesday is my first set of blood work and ultrasound to make sure the meds have begun doing their rightful job.  More to come!!

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