I’m so disappointed. I spoke with K and N last night to talk about our upcoming cycle since September is the month their egg donor is ready. Well apparently her agency called them yesterday to say she has decided not to do this cycle. Meaning they paid fees to hold her, and we put our summer on hold from cycling with potentially someone else only got her to say at the last possible second that she changed her mind. Im so mad not only for K and N, but for myself as well. It’s been the longest summer knowing the most all of us could do is wait for this donor, who because she was going back to school in the fall, decided that it’s not the best time to do another cycle. Um, because you didn’t know school was coming way back in June when you agreed to be their donor?!?! So naturally they are pretty depressed about it as well. So now they have to start looking for a new donor again which means more waiting. It makes me depressed as well. I’m really praying that they find their perfect donor soon. I really want the traveling to be done before the holidays.
I hate not being in any sort of control about this. I hate the amount of waiting I’m going to be doing again. I hate that donor for doing this to us. It was just so wrong.
Ok vent over. More updates to come as I hear anything.
Nothing like looking at the last date you posted something to really make yourself feel guilty! So I guess it’s been a while! Oddly enough, not a while lot has happened. It’s been a looooong wait so far and a lot of misc stuff being done on IMs part. I’m not even on birth control because we have no transfer date any time soon. Basically, the IPs decided back in April that they would transfer the remaining embryos just so they wouldn’t have to actually destroy them. I mean, they are embryos after all. First though, IM had to do blood work and ultrasound to make sure she was ok, which she was. So they started cycling her around the end of May, and she couldn’t make it through the beginning stages of the meds. Her body totally wacked out on her so they had to stop the cycle completely. Just getting her body back to normal was a hard enough thing after that. So they then decided either they would have her cycle with me or just have me cycle alone using fresh embryos. So they searched and found a new egg donor they really like and have her on hold until September. She just barely finished a cycle for another couple so she is taking a break from meds then in September is when it’s our turn. So at this point I’m pretty certain we will be transferring sometime in October! That’s where we stand at this point which is why I haven’t posted too much on here, there really isn’t a lot going on yet. In other news though, my daughter and I traveled back east at the end of April to see the twins! We stayed at their house which meant we got to spend a ton of down time together and be with the babies too! They were almost a year old. It was so amazing to visit them all. It felt like visiting family I hadn’t seen in years. My daughter absolutely loved the twins and they are just the most beautiful now 1 year olds ever. It was so wonderful to see them with their kids almost a year later and remembering standing in their house the year before saying how different life would be a year from then! The house went from an occasional meow heard from the kitty, to baby toys, clothes, high chairs and blankies all over the house. It was a sight that I’m so glad they get to be in the middle of. Life just isn’t the same without all that in your home. So we did a little sight seeing, M and D took my daughter and I into NYC and through ground zero. We did BBQ one night, and just caught up on life. I am truly so blessed to have been able to help them and continue to be a small part in their lives. They are just incredible people. So then, on May 28th, the twins turned 1! I am pretty sure their party was chaotic and memorable and a total blast! I love that family to pieces.
So it’s been just over a year now since journey number one has ended and the current IPs and I are trying our best to be patient for September to come. I have slightly higher hopes going into this transfer since these embryos will be fresh and we will get the best of them all to be put in first, like with M and Ds transfer that lead to the twins. Now that my daughter has started kindergarten, and my son will start preschool next week, I know that time will fly and September and October will be here before I realize it. Getting through a long, unbearably hot summer with two kids made time stand still. Do I promise when I hear anything new I shall report here immediately!! But that truly is all for now folks 😁.
Well after we got our negative result, I think we all took it harder than we thought just because I think we all kind of thought something stuck. So last update was a long week for me, and I can’t imagine how down K and N’s week was.
I heard from N via text last night and she said they had talked with the doctor and it was too much to text so they would call me Monday (tomorrow). So I am super anxious to hear what the doctor told them and what they have decided, meaning if they are going to try with their remaining embryos or find a new donor. In fact this day has gone by so slow since I’m now waiting for tomorrow night.
The waiting game with surrogacy can just be cruel sometimes. For all parties involved. I sometimes start to think I’m obsessed because I find myself thinking about my IPs so much and my next cycle so much. Hopefully I’m not alone in that!
While I wait to hear what our next steps will be, az summer is quickly approaching. It was absolutely amazing last month in New Jersey. It was colder then, than it was back in December. A welcome change from the record breaking 90 weather we are having here. And now I’m rambling because I have to get through a whole day again before I get to talk to my IPs. Agh!
So until next time, here’s hoping tomorrows phone call will bring some good news, whatever that may be!
My beta was this morning. Dr P called just now to deliver bad news. Negative. I hate that word. My stomach is in knots. I’m so depressed. I haven’t text my IPs yet only because the Dr said he still had yet to be able to reach them. He isn’t sure what they will want to do as their next step and even though I spoke with them Saturday night and we discussed the potential next step, I’m curious as to what they will ultimately decide. On Saturday they seemed pretty sure they would want to try with their remaining embryos, but I asked the dr to speak with them about possibly looking for a new egg donor. We all know that the ones remaining don’t have a great chance at sticking since they always transfer the best ones first and the next best consecutively after that. I’m kind of going they really consider a new donor. They would get much better quality eggs that the clinic could choose from. Plus I just don’t have a good feeling about their remaining embryos obviously and that would be extra expenses to do that transfer just for it to come out potentially negative as well. Ugh. I hope I hear from them at some point today at least. As for me I get to stop all meds at this point. I shall down my sorrows in a glass of wine tonight with dinner for sure. I hate being in limbo.
When I got to NJ it was cloudy and cold. In fact when I stepped outsidei could see my breath! I welcomed this weather with open arms since it’s now post the 90 degree mark here at home. I even figured out how to get my hotel window open and slept with the window open the entire time I was there.
Transfer day was great. Check in was 9am and then we were released to go eat breakfast and I was given my orders to drink some serious water so I’d be sure to have a full bladder for the procedure. So a muffin and 4 1/2 glasses of water later, along with two hours of in between time, back at the clinic all of the sudden the water I had been drinking hot my bladder like a ton of bricks. Now I’ve done 3 transfers total in my life, and each time it surely was uncomfortable having the transfer done on a very full bladder. It’s IVF protocol. But this time, it was WAY worse. The doctor came in before I was taken back into the procedure room to sort of brief me and I told him how uncomfortable I was already so he said we would get started and make sure my bladder wasn’t too big. Up onto the take I went and the nurses checked with the ultrasound, and were shocked at their findings. My bladder took up the entire ultrasound screen. They couldn’t even see my uterus. By now I was shaking I was so uncomfortable. So one nurse rushed out and got the doctor who came in and said he was going to just catheterize me to give me some relief since I didn’t need my bladder THAT full. But hey, they wanted a FULL bladder so I delivered! I just went a tad overboard this time on my water consumption. I was shaking so much and was so uncomfortable trying to keep from peeing everywhere that I couldn’t even get my legs into the stirrups and doc had a slightly hard time getting the catheter going because I was so tense. But once it was in the right place slowly but surely I stopped shaking and got some much needed relief. Once things were at a size reasonable enough that the transfer could take place, we got started. The transfer outdoor was super easy. Doc transferred two day five embryos again this time. The hardest part of the transfer in my opinion is always having to hold off on using the restroom until they tell you it’s ok. This time was certainly no different!
So back to the hotel we went so I could be a “couch potato” in the words of the nurses. I took advantage! Feel asleep for a few hours, then woke up and watched a few episodes of impractical jokers. Talk about a funny show!!! I’d love to meet those guys they are hilarious. K, N, and I then went to dinner and then back to the hotel for the night to rest. It poured rain. It was beautiful. I flew home today and that was uneventful for the most part other than having gotten the “privilege” to be seated next to this older woman with her granddaughter. Now her 4 yr old granddaughter was an angel list me just say. She even took a good nap through half the flight. This woman though I swear had to have had walking pneumonia or something! She coughed and coughed this disgusting sickly cough the entire flight. She caught on at one point how absolutely disgusted I was because she told me she just had allergies that she wasn’t contagious! Was this woman for real?? She was nasally, and Evey time she would talk the coughing would happen. The gurgling, from your gut, throat tickling type of cough that needs some serious medications or essential oils!! And I was the lucky one who got to sit next to her for 4 1/2 long hours. I couldn’t wait to get home and shower since I felt like I was surly now riddled with disease. Bleh!!
It feels so good to be home. My kids are happy, my dogs are happy, hubby is happy. The one thing that isn’t happy is my butt. Wow. These shots are going to be the death of my ass. The knots are so bad and so hard. They hurt so much. I will more than suffer through this if at least one of those two little embryos sticks, but for now I just feel like complaining about how much my. Ass. Hurts. It also feels good to complain. Ha!
So my instructions are too stay on the same meds with the same doses and our first beta will be Monday morning April 6th. I’ve prayed so hard for this I’m not sure how else to pray! We just want this prayer answered this time around. So far I need to get through the week. It’s going to be a nail biter!
Well I started my progesterone shots on Saturday evening. Last night after I had taken my second shot, I noticed a jelly like substance sitting in the bottom of the vial. So I looked at the other two unopened vials in the closet and sue enough they had this same jelly. So I sorry of panicked and emailed the clinic explaining my findings and sending a picture of the evidence with. I was told to call the pharmacy and they would tell me what needed to be done. So I called this morning and was told that it’s the actual progesterone that had come out of the oil solution and it can happen in the higher doses of these. The new protocol was to heat it up in hot water until it completely dissolved before injections. So I relayed the info to my clinic. Luckily it wasn’t just me who was kind of uncomfortable with how to approach this situation because my nurse told me they called the pharmacy and are having new vials sent asap to me in the morning in a different oil solution, that I just needed to do the water bath for tonight’s injection. Relief!! Fast forward to this evening and I placed my vial in a HOT water bath and waited. And refilled and waited. And did this for about half an hour before I started to panic again. This progesterone jelly is not dissolving like it’s supposed to!! Back on the phone with the overnight on call pharmacist in NJ, she says to place vial in water in an oven safe container and hear it up to 275 degrees for about half an hour and that should do the trick. Also not to worry, that progesterone levels won’t plummet overnight. So here I sit, waiting and watching this vial in the oven so I can do my shot that is supposed to happen in early evening so I can move around for a while after. All this medication anxiety and I’m supposed to have the transfer in three days!!
Yep. Here she bakes.
Blood work in the morning just to confirm progesterone levels.
To be continued…..
I had my last set of blood work and ultrasound this morning to make sure my lining is ready for next Thursdays potential womb house guests. The NP said it’s indeed ready and looking perfect! So I am done with the belt shots and onto progesterone with one minor change this cycle; no more suppositories! I am glad to be doing the rump shots because I just trust them more than those dreaded suppositories. So here’s to starting those tomorrow evening!!
I find out what time on Thursday our transfer will be at, and I fly out on Wednesday morning. I’m so so anxious and nervous. Not scared because I know what the transfer entails, but nervous for it to work. Not unlike any other surrogate out woman who has gone through this process of course, but having to do this for more than one attempt sure does mess with your emotions. Or maybe it’s just the mix of pharmaceuticals I’m taking that causes the emotions!
At any rate, I am very ready for this transfer. Updates from New Jersey to come!