My aching heart..

I don’t even remember what I said in my last post. We have been waiting for donor after donor to go through the testing processes at the clinic to become approved by the clinic for retrieval.  This latest donor they (the IPs) have found is a 5 time proven donor, meaning she has done 5 different retrievals, all resulting in babies.  So the clinic wanted to see her for a workup and psych evals, the norm.  I just found out this evening, that the clinic rejected her after her psych eval over the phone, one reason being divorce. My IPs are super upset about the rejection, and feel as though this might never actually happen.  I must say, even though I would never tell them because I know they would feel even worse, but I feel the same way.  I was devastated when I heard this news. I was starting to think we were actually getting close to this donor getting through all the tests.  IM said the clinic has moat of their back up donor’s records, and are currently waiting on another test result, but she didn’t seem optimistic.  I couldn’t tell if it was because of the bad news about proven donor, or because she wasn’t too sure this one would pass either.  I think I might give my nurse an email tomorrow just to see what’s going on.  It’s been a year and a half since we started this journey and have had nothing but bad news.  I’m not sure what to do other than pray that this happens for them, for us.  

I know, not one of my happier posts.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A poke here, a poke there….

Well these last few days have flown by, literally! We got booked last week for my one day workup at the clinic which meant a last minute flight for hubby and I on Monday evening to be there Tuesday all day. We left Monday evening on a crazy bumpy flight so hubby could work Monday and wouldn’t have to take the day off. Tuesday included giving lots of bloodwork, a physical, an ultrasound with doppler to check blood flow of my uterus, and a hysteroscopy. The doppler started out finw, but the tech noticed what could either be a vein that just wasn’t showing blood flow (being stubborn on the ultrasound), or possibly a blocked tube. Wait, a blocked tube?? So the doctor decided I needed another test to confirm whether it was my tube or just a stubborn vein. In the meantime, I had a hysteroscopy which involved using a probe to blow co2 into my uterus to check for abnormalities. Sounds fun right? After that was a special x ray, where as the tech was releasing dye in my uterus, they took pictures and video watching to make sure the dye went up through my tubes and out. This was to check for blockages. Thankfully my tubes are indeed just fine.  Then came the talk with the psychologist for hubby and I which I think seemed to go just fine. After about 5 hours there, we were finally finished! Just in time to go pick up some vitamin D since my levels are slightly low, and then for a decent meal. Then back to the hotel to bed since we had to be back to the airport at 6am. With a 40 min drive from the hotel as well. It was a short, but successful trip and our next steps are to wait for the rest of my bloodwork and exam results to come in, then wait to hear that the donor did her work up so we can start discussing the timeline for the transfer! I am going to predict end of July. I’m really hoping anyways since I don’t think there’s enough time to have a June transfer and I really don’t want to be gone for my son’s 5th birthday at the end of August.
More info to come!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Finally moving along!

I know it’s been FOREVER since I last updated, but things haven’t been going very fast on my end. The IPs have been super busy looking for a new egg donor, and have also been researching and looking for a new clinic as well.  After all the attempts in NJ, they didn’t feel that clinic was doing much to further our chances of getting pregnant. So after a couple months of finding a new clinic they trust, they had their paperwork sent to them, and recently within the last week, I’ve been in contact with the new clinic as well!  I won’t say quite yet where I’ll be traveling to, just for caution, but I will say that the flight is much shorter than 6 hours!! This clinic seems EXTREMELY detailed which is good. So now K and N have a donor, all my info is at the new clinic, and now I’m in the middle of trying to find out when I’ll fly out there for the “one day workup” which includes another psych eval and uterine mapping. I am currently on cycle day 2ish right now and I was told yesterday I need to be seen between cycle days 5 and 13, so I am waiting for a call or email back from them today on whether I can be flown out next week for the workup rather than having to waste this cycle and wait until next month. I am so anxious to get rolling on things and I know K and N are as well. So I have about driven myself crazy, having emailed them back this morning, as well as left two messages on two separate lines and phone numbers at their clinic to call me back regarding scheduling. So I basically hurried to try to get back to them just to have to sit and wait. I hate the waiting part. The more anxious I am the less patience I have! Anywho, here’s to slowing starting to move forward!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some big news…

So far, things have been sort of stalled, with the IPs looking for a new egg donor, and IF doing some extra testing on his end.  Well, I got a text from IM last week that said hey can we call you tonight? Which by the way, NEVER happens.  We usually know when we will chat on the phone next so I started getting really nervous for bad news. Turns out, by the grace of God, they are pregnant. Yes I typed correctly, that’s pregnant! They were so shocked and are very cautious and nervous rightfully so, but she went for some blood work and boom, pregnant! I didn’t post last week because their heartbeat ultrasound was today.  So since I’m posing about this now, that means yes, baby has a strong heartbeat, and is 6 weeks along! In my opinion this is the best news a surrogate could get, the news that they don’t need me! I am so over the moon excited for them and just praying that their little miracle June bug stays put and grows strong. Of course, that also means I’ll be starting over again. Which I totally don’t mind, given the situation. But with starting over, also comes the unknown of who I could match with again. I feel so blessed to have been matched with my prior IPs that are like family to me now, and my current IPs that are so wonderful, can I be that lucky a third time? I hope so. Even so, it will be worth looking for new IPs if it means K and N will be parents in June on their own.
So that will be all for now! Hopefully until the new year!!! Grow baby grow!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

To the point

I’m so disappointed. I spoke with K and N last night to talk about our upcoming cycle since September is the month their egg donor is ready. Well apparently her agency called them yesterday to say she has decided not to do this cycle. Meaning they paid fees to hold her, and we put our summer on hold from cycling with potentially someone else only got her to say at the last possible second that she changed her mind. Im so mad not only for K and N, but for myself as well. It’s been the longest summer knowing the most all of us could do is wait for this donor, who because she was going back to school in the fall, decided that it’s not the best time to do another cycle. Um, because you didn’t know school was coming way back in June when you agreed to be their donor?!?! So naturally they are pretty depressed about it as well. So now they have to start looking for a new donor again which means more waiting. It makes me depressed as well. I’m really praying that they find their perfect donor soon. I really want the traveling to be done before the holidays.
I hate not being in any sort of control about this. I hate the amount of waiting I’m going to be doing again. I hate that donor for doing this to us. It was just so wrong.
Ok vent over. More updates to come as I hear anything.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Okay, okay, so it’s been a few days…

Nothing like looking at the last date you posted something to really make yourself feel guilty! So I guess it’s been a while!  Oddly enough, not a while lot has happened. It’s been a looooong wait so far and a lot of misc stuff being done on IMs part. I’m not even on birth control because we have no transfer date any time soon. Basically, the IPs decided back in April that they would transfer the remaining embryos just so they wouldn’t have to actually destroy them. I mean, they are embryos after all.  First though, IM had to do blood work and ultrasound to make sure she was ok, which she was. So they started cycling her around the end of May, and she couldn’t make it through the beginning stages of the meds.  Her body totally wacked out on her so they had to stop the cycle completely.  Just getting her body back to normal was a hard enough thing after that.  So they then decided either they would have her cycle with me or just have me cycle alone using fresh embryos. So they searched and found a new egg donor they really like and have her on hold until September.  She just barely finished a cycle for another couple so she is taking a break from meds then in September is when it’s our turn. So at this point I’m pretty certain we will be transferring sometime in October!  That’s where we stand at this point which is why I haven’t posted too much on here, there really isn’t a lot going on yet. In other news though, my daughter and I traveled back east at the end of April to see the twins! We stayed at their house which meant we got to spend a ton of down time together and be with the babies too! They were almost a year old.  It was so amazing to visit them all.  It felt like visiting family I hadn’t seen in years. My daughter absolutely loved the twins and they are just the most  beautiful now 1 year olds ever. It was so wonderful to see them with their kids almost a year later and remembering standing in their house the year before saying how different life would be a year from then! The house went from an occasional meow heard from the kitty, to baby toys, clothes, high chairs and blankies all over the house. It was a sight that I’m so glad they get to be in the middle of. Life just isn’t the same without all that in your home. So we did a little sight seeing, M and D took my daughter and I into NYC and through ground zero.  We did BBQ one night, and just caught up on life. I am truly so blessed to have been able to help them and continue to be a small part in their lives. They are just incredible people. So then, on May 28th, the twins turned 1! I am pretty sure their party was chaotic and memorable and a total blast! I love that family to pieces.
So it’s been just over a year now since journey number one has ended and the current IPs and I are trying our best to be patient for September to come. I have slightly higher hopes going into this transfer since these embryos will be fresh and we will get the best of them all to be put in first, like with M and Ds transfer that lead to the twins. Now that my daughter has started kindergarten, and my son will start preschool next week, I know that time will fly and September and October will be here before I realize it.  Getting through a long, unbearably hot summer with two kids made time stand still. Do I promise when I hear anything new I shall report here immediately!! But that truly is all for now folks  😁.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A little waiting game

Well after we got our negative result, I think we all took it harder than we thought just because I think we all kind of thought something stuck. So last update was a long week for me, and I can’t imagine how down K and N’s week was.
I heard from N via text last night and she said they had talked with the doctor and it was too much to text so they would call me Monday (tomorrow).  So I am super anxious to hear what the doctor told them and what they have decided, meaning if they are going to try with their remaining embryos or find a new donor.  In fact this day has gone by so slow since I’m now waiting for tomorrow night.
The waiting game with surrogacy can just be cruel sometimes. For all parties involved. I sometimes start to think I’m obsessed because I find myself thinking about my IPs so much and my next cycle so much. Hopefully I’m not alone in that!
While I wait to hear what our next steps will be, az summer is quickly approaching.  It was absolutely amazing last month in New Jersey. It was colder then, than it was back in December. A welcome change from the record breaking 90 weather we are having here.  And now I’m rambling because I have to get through a whole day again before I get to talk to my IPs. Agh!
So until next time, here’s hoping tomorrows phone call will bring some good news, whatever that may be!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment