Since this blog is all about my surrogacy journey, time to start posting! Only one problem. I have already found my IPs and we have begun the process. So my first post will be a (hopefully not too long) summary of how I got to where I’m at now. I use an agency that helps match me to potential IPs. The agency found me a couple and we hit it off. After a psych eval on me, blood work, and medical consent, I was off to officially meet my IPs and doctor in person in NY!
While there, doc did a screening, and cleared me to start my medications. Our transfer date was set for June 27th.
We were so excited. The meds have been super easy. The tummy shots were hardly anything at all. The big progesterone shots didn’t really hurt either, except for the fact that they leave a nice bruised, aching, lump right where you got the injection. All part of the game right?
Hubby and I flew out the day before the transfer together, and IM went the next morning together. It was so exciting going there. We just talked the whole way there, and she was in the room with me for the transfer. We implanted (very easily and quickly) two beautiful day 6 blastocysts and I was sent on my way. Bed rest commenced back at the hotel with hubs for the rest of the day and we flew out the next afternoon, bidding my IPs, who by now were my great friends, a hopefully short lived goodbye. (Until a possible ultrasound maybe)?.
I waited 6 looong days before I finally got a slight positive pregnancy test!
I called IM that morning and we gushed about how it actually happened! IF even sent his BFF a copy of the pic!
My beta blood test was two days later, that Friday. And drum roll please….? 19.6. Excuse me? Are you sure it’s not higher? I’m super tired and my boobs are killing me!!! Of course I was told not to worry, FETs sometimes produced lower numbers and the important thing was that this number doubled by Monday, which was my next appt. what an agonizing weekend. It was all me and IM could think about. I felt great aside from my two mild symptoms so far, but there was this little nagging feeling that wouldn’t leave me alone. Those numbers were so low. After a long Monday morning, yesterday, while I napped with the kids, I got the call from the clinic. She left a message. My new beta number was now 11.8. It had tanked. Along with my progesterone level. This was “not a good pregnancy.” My heart sank. Somehow I just knew. My new instructions were to stop all meds ASAP. IPs were devastated. But even that word seems to be an understatement. So much so, that as of his moment today, they are not sure if they will try again. After 8 failed cycles now, they seem to be losing hope. And I can’t help but feel responsible for giving them more hope then they should have had with this transfer.
I need and want to give them all the time in the world to go through their emotions and thought on what they want to do at this point. I also want desperately to hear from IM and to hear her say let’s try again. Whether it be with a new donor or with the last frozen embie they have. The problem with that last embie though is that IM seems convinced it won’t take if we were to try since she feels the whole batch from that donor is bad. She could be very right. I think this might be the worst waiting game I’ve ever been involved in.
In the meantime, I am trying to focus on my kids and how blessed I am that I’ve got them. Something like this really puts into perspective just how much I take the little things they do for granted.
The Lord giveth, and The Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of The Lord. These are hard words to accept sometimes.