New beginnings

I am nearly 12 weeks post partum at this point, so I think it’s fair to say the post partum period has ended…? Why not! I feel great. Well, aside from now having come down with a chest virus once again. The only good thing about AZ summers is it’s usually too hot for a virus to spread, and somehow I still manage to get sick. I’ve had this horrid cough for four days now and have once again started losing my voice. I must seem like the sickliest person on earth to some. At least I can take medicine to help me right now though.
These past few weeks have been big. My husband and I have discussed surrogacy and me doing a second journey. I decided I really want to do another surrogacy and hubby was on board with me. The first thing to do was get some sort of clearance from my OB. At my post partum check up, I explained my plans and he said I was healthy enough to do it again, but wouldn’t release me for transfer until December to give my body enough time to fully recover. Fine with me!! The only reservation I had against it was if my previous IPs didn’t want me to for whatever reason. I sort of felt guilty, and was nervous about telling them of my thoughts on wanting to do this again. I felt almost like I was cheating on them! They mean so much to me and we are so close, I didn’t want to proceed if they felt awkward about me doing it again. I even posted in one of my surrogate sites about my feelings on “cheating” on them and apparently it’s a common feeling amongst experienced surrogates. Whew. At least I wasn’t crazy. So I brought it up to M and D and thankfully, they were on board with it as well! (Yet another reason why they are such amazing people). I then thought for a while about switching agencies for only reason of possibly finding a couple that isn’t SO far from AZ, but ultimately decided to stay with my current agency since I love working with them. The next step was reviewing my profile and letting them release it for potential IPs. They released it on a Thursday and by Friday mid day I got a call from the agency that a couple liked my profile!! So we set up a conference call for last Monday where hubby and I got to speak with them (standard initial protocol), we we all four decided we want to work together. Unfortunately, they have been on vacation ever since, so I haven’t heard from them yet. It’s starting to make me anxious. I tend to have issues with my own lack of patience so I have been religiously checking my emails JUST IN CASE. Does that sound obsessive? I am just excited to get to know them.
Since it’s so early in the process, I feel no need to give an explanation to my kids (mostly my daughter) yet. My family all knows of my plans to start this process again as well as my friends for the most part, and I have found this time around there are a select few who don’t totally agree with my decision to do this a second time. I’ve run into more skepticism which had been u settling to me at first. Some People tend to now automatically assume that I am making a business out of this. Others have fears for my health. At one point I started to get angry about it all because my health is fine and even carrying twins, I had no medical issues or complications. I have no marks against me physically or emotionally that wouldn’t give me the green light to do this a second time. I found myself angry that others couldn’t understand that it’s never been about anything but the experience and ability of me to be able to help two people become a family. For those who have never gone through it, I guess there is no explanation great enough to get the point across of how special and unbelievable of an experience this whole thing is. For those in my life who question my decision, they have never had issues trying to have their own families. They have never experienced the things these couples have in trying to have a child. I am blessed to have never experienced those hardships either, but what makes me different, is I know I can at least attempt to help one more couple become a family. I have now come to just accept that some won’t fully understand why I choose to do this again, no matter how many times I attempt to explain it and I am ok with that. They are still my friends and family and they may not choose to do it themselves if they were in my shoes, they still accept that this is what I want to do. And I love them for that.
On a less serious note, since I am on journey number two now, I am going to the gym to get that extra bit of fitness before I start the process again, and I love and hate it at the same time. I LOVE my sleep and it’s been soooo hard to get up in the mornings. Hubby will wake me along with my alarm waking me and it takes everything I have to drag myself out of bed. All I want to do is lie in bed and eat donuts. Or pastries. Or muffins. And be fit already. In a perfect world right?
So now the waiting game begins all over again. Patience is a virtue.

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About sarah

I am 31 years old , married, with a spunky 5 year old daughter, and a cuddly almost 4 year old son. I am a stay at home mom that spends her days chasing kids and two wiener dogs around the house, playing games, learning new things, and just spending time with my family , who are my life. I am also pursuing my dream of becoming a gestational surrogate, and this blog is all about my journey.
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